Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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