Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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