I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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