carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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