apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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