Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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