I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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