i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
