Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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