So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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