the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
