Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
