No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize