OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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