i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
