You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
