I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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