A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
