Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
