i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
