just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
