I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ttyl tear gas
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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