just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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