Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
