i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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