Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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