Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
