Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
