Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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