Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
