So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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