so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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