her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
