Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
