I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
