i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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