i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
