mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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