I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
