My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
