Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
