the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
where does the pee come out of this thing
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
