i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it because I queefed?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
