my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
