she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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