Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
