I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
