Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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