we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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