she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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