he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
