I skipped work to stalk him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
