its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
