the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
