then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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