I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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