the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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