Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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