If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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