On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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